How to spoil a woman with PMDD? What does she really want?
In a recent poll women with PMDD, were asked to choose what they prefer to receive from their men in a demonstration of love & affection. Women were able to select more than one item, and were also given the chance to add their own poll items to the list in an attempt to make the poll more genuine.
The question asked in the poll survey was: “Your man wants to spoil you and asks if you like Chocolate or Flowers? What do you choose?”
The first three items added by me (with how they scored) were:
- Chocolates – 22
- Flowers – 13
- All The Above – 7
After the women added:
- Whatever comes from the Heart – 5
- Massage – 4
- Help with housework – 2
- Sex – 2
- A hand written love letter – 3
- A cooked meal – 2
- All of the above – 2
More added later:
- Champaign – 2
- Diamonds – 1
Chocolate is the winner!
Flowers or both flowers & chocolates were selected next, and whatever comes from the heart came in at no. 4 for this group of women.
PMDD or not women just love chocolate. While it may not be to good for the waistline, it sure makes us feel great! PMDD women are no exception to that rule.
Why Chocolate? If anything at all could make us happy during the luteal phase, (WORST PMDD TIME OF THE MONTH) chocolate would be it, as it is known for releasing endorphines and happy hormones.
A great scientific study would be on ‘the impact of chocolate on the PMDD brain‘ if it hasn’t already been done.
The trick guys, is to get to know your woman, understand her and support her because PMDD is no picnic – She’s sick and needs your support as well as your love and affection. Don’t take her moodswings, nastiness, innability to cope, depresson, rage and all that horrible hormonal stuff she’s putting you through personally, because she’d stop doing it if she could. So if you’re experiencing that the worst thing you can do is hate her for it and abandon her.
What support means to a woman with PMDD:
- Understanding her condition. Read as much as you can about PMDD so that you can empathise. After all you have to live with it too!
- Going with her to appointments in order to find something that works so you can both get your quality of life back. She may not be able to fully understand what she needs to do because the condition affects thinking processes.
- Take the kids out while mum sleeps.
- Don’t press her to go to social engagements because that’s the last thing she needs. She’s in no condition to do it mentally or physically during certain times of the month.
- Help her around the house and provide light healthy meals.
- Keep tabs on her condition. She might not be able to.
- Be her emotional support.
- Understand that this illness may be out of her ability to control. You may need to take her to hospital if she becomes suicidal or call your emergency lines. Australians call 000.
- Take good care of yourself. Get a good amount of sleep, eat well and get regular exercise.
NOTE: For PMDD Support – Join a Closed Facebook Group for Privacy.
There are also groups for those men who live with PMDD.
Scientific breakthrough raises questions about chemicals, plastics, food additives and everyday toxins that could be affecting women at a reproductive age.
I’m not a scientist but as a woman with PMDD I now wonder if this condition is caused by a natural abnormality or are genetically modified foods, the use of plastics and toxic chemicals in the air we breath to the food we eat, combined with preservatives and food additives in processed foods modifying our women’s cellular & molecular structure, particuarly those at a reproductive age? What about alcohol consumption and cigarette smoking?
Science has long experimented with animals finding that toxic chemicals affect the reproductive systems of females, their offspring and future generations. These new findings warrant further research.
We all know that the best approach to eating healthy is eating natural and organic. Simply because of the amount of chemicals in food which includes pestiscides is dangerous to everyone but more so for those who are less tolerant. Asthmatics come to mind.
The problem is that we live in a fast paced working society with convenience food readily available. This has become a major industry in western society that was quickly adopted into the culture.
I recommend the following reading for those who have PMDD to understand how it affects our relationships. Written by a woman who has experienced life with PMDD and the harm it can do to relationships.
As a mother the most difficult part of my job is watching my child suffer so she can learn her lesson. While I’m the one dishing out the discipline, (taking away privileges) I know the experience is making her wiser. She’s soon to become a teenager and currently shows a little interest in boys. But that’s all soon to change.
She’ll eventually grow up to make her own decisions and make her own mistakes, so I teach her the value of taking responsibility for her own actions. This teaching will come in handy when it comes to relationships. The person she settles with will come from a different family, have a different upbringing and have a different set of values, so she needs to be observant and remain alert when choosing.
I pray for her future husband and teach her to do the same. We’ve led by example and the legacy we leave behind with a loving relationship will hopefully have a positive impact. I’m hoping she’ll grow up to be the kind of woman that makes mindful decisions for her life and future.
I’m no relationship expert but I’m hoping my daughter will take hold of what has taken me a lifetime to learn.
- Treat each other with respect. Do not talk about your partner/spouse behind their back. Your loyalty is to each other. Don’t ignore the friendship.
- Your spouse/partner shouldn’t be totally dependent on you. They need to have their own goals in life, a job, their own interests and enjoy living a healthy lifestyle.
- Nobody has the right to lay a finger on you. Nor do you have the right to be violent with someone else. There is no reason on earth why violence should be accepted in the home. A lack of self esteem can trap women in violent controlling relationships. You are awesome. Get out as fast as you can and don’t go back. You might want to consider pressing charges should this happen to you. It might save another woman’s life.
- Feel secure in your relationship and know that you are loved. You’re fine the way you are and the right person will accept you just as you are.
- You’re worthy of love and happiness. Love isn’t just about giving. It has to be reciprocated.
- Being together is fun. Spending quality time together is even better and a must. Make time for each other, listen always and love with all your heart.
- Your opinion is to be respected. You’re consulted on major decisions and what you have to say is valued.
- The foundation of your relationship is based on mutual love for one another not lust.
- Don’t ignore the sexual intimacy. Keep that healthy but sex must not be the foundation of your relationship.
- Any man who demands more than you’re willing to give to gratify his own sexual desire is not loving you more than his own need. Leave this guy fast! He’s using you like a sex toy. Don’t waste your time. Time is precious and you can’t get it back.
- Looking at members of the opposite sex appreciatively of their beauty is normal, but flirting is not acceptable. This in my books is the same as window shopping.
- Choose the father of your children very carefully. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Work together to keep the relationship sweet. Get counselling if you need help as a couple. Pray for him. Trust your instinct. It’s your call if you need to bail.
Sandra writes about her experience with PMDD hoping to raise awareness and break the stigma.
After having my first child at 39 years of age, the bouts of monthly depression (PMDD) Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder were slowly becoming worse.
By the time my daughter was 7 years old I was diagnosed as being peri-menopausal by a nurse at a local clinic. Around this time my symptoms began to explode into overdrive.
The anger during the 14 days of ovulation became all out rage and it was scary!
Seeing a specialist, I was put on a birth control pill, cutting out the sugar tablets to stop my period and to stop what happens to my brain during ovulation. The doctor recommended that I take an anti-depressant as well. Taking a few months to have a good effect on me I was beginning to function normally for the first time. The treatment was working and I couldn’t be happier.
Some of the symptoms may appear every now and again in very minor doses that I can cope with. One of the major positives is that there’s no longer any sign of anger.
Below are symptoms that appear randomly.
- Mood swings
- Tension and anxiety
- Self esteem issues
- Marked anger, increased interpersonal conflicts
- Tension and anxiety
- Lack of interest in usual activities
- Difficulty concentrating
In sharing my story I’m hoping to break the stigma by raising awareness of PMDD which has been described as PMS on steroids.
I began a page on Facebook for women in Australia who have or suspect they might have PMDD. PMDD AUSTRALIAN WOMEN’S GROUP
As part of my treatment counselling has helped me to come to terms with what I was facing. I learned to forgive myself and live life to the fullest. I highly recommend counselling for any woman going through this. It’s a nightmare and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone!
For Free 24 hour emergency and crisis counselling contact LIFELINE on 13 11 14