TWO POEMS – The Hurt & Death In the Lies We Tell

THE HURT

Charming character who am I?

Of masked atrocities and pain

The past extorts, assumes and lashes out

with distrust, malice, hatred and disdain.

ME: Past oh tortured why come back?  I’ve had enough of you!

PAST: I’m giving you another chance to change your point of view!

ME: In Jesus I believe. God Why has this happened? I’ll serve you set me free!

GOD: I’m here, I’ll heal, forgive and guide you, I’ve made you for my glory.


DEATH IN THE LIES WE TELL

Lies held dear for comfort

are lies none the less

who with lies can you set free,

to heal or even bless?

Lies taste sweet as honey

to sugar coat bad taste

Lies hurt, deceive and flatter

undermining intelligence with haste.

 

By Sandra Ciminelli

Pen With A View

Trusting God After Leaving An Abusive Relationship

Long ago before I made that decision to follow Christ I was sitting in church complaining to my sister that I didn’t want to come to church any more because I didn’t believe. She said, “Fake it till you make it.” Yeah, it sounded funny to me too at the time!

She meant to stick around and hear it out, so that I’d have enough info to put the pieces of the puzzle together in order for me to see the full picture. Then it hit me. I’d been in church for a long time with a wall up.   The reason for that was the many years of abuse created some serious trust issues within me. Church was a nice break from the reality of my life so I stayed put.

The Home Life

Living in that one sided relationship that started when I was only fifteen years old, I was married at 18 and felt that I’d lost my identity to a kid living in a man’s body.

Fear had me living for someone else instead of me. Three months into our marriage and my life was becoming a violent and vicious cycle of denial and abuse.  I washed his clothes, cooked his meals and lay in his bed lying to myself.  The truth was that he was a womanising, violent, drug addict who was so messed up, convinced he was right and didn’t want any help to change.

I was so scared to face the truth about my situation which would make see how broken I really was, or to confront him which would mean a violent reaction.  The lies I told myself were numerous but the big one was telling myself that he would change from the strange person before me who was becoming the embodiment of every loathsome characteristic I didn’t like in a human being.

When the threats began, I felt trapped like a hostage in my own marriage. The situation seemed hopeless. He was totally convinced that my family were trying to separate us. Yet my family had never interfered in our relationship. When I tried to leave him he told me that he’d sneak in the house at night while we slept to kill us all.  Believing that he was capable of carrying the threats out, I stayed.

When we separated the only things I got out of that relationship was PTSD.. Years later I found out that I had been living with a certified Schizophrenic.

So after my experiences giving myself over completely to God took an enormous amount of trust.  Then I discovered that true love is found only in God.

God is Love and the source of love  

I was convinced that I hadn’t fully learned what love was so a quest began to understand God’s love.  This bible passage below describes His Holy (perfect) love and after reading I saw how distant we all really are from it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails…….”.

GET HELP

If you’re in a violent situation don’t bury your hurts by lying to yourself.  See a counsellor, a church leader, your pastor and even your doctor for help. Don’t do it alone.

Lifeline 13 11 14 (Australia)

If your life is in danger don’t hesitate to dial 000.

The Coward With A Hardened Heart

I’d met my childhood sweetheart at the age of 15 and we were married five months after my 18th birthday.  At the age of 32 I divorced a violent and narcissistic drug addicted schizophrenic man who in his twisted way believed that he loved me. He probably did but in my mind it was shallow.  At first I stuck around hoping for change and later on it was fear that kept me by his side for believing in his threats.

Since the divorce I’ve been dealing with stuff that surfaces slowly. You see, I’ve been a runner avoiding emotional pain and have done so for many years burying things deep within not to feel hoping it would go away. As a child I thought that If I didn’t feel it that it wouldn’t affect me. I wouldn’t let it. I thought I was tough to be able to swallow my pride, put things away and not face them again. In reality I was a frightened kid with a hardened heart who accumulated one trauma after another.

Refusing To Feel is Refusing To Heal

Funny thing about burying these very real feelings, they don’t die. They resurrect when you least expect them. Undealt with pain sinks into the chambers of our most inner being, seeping out poison slowly to remind us that these badly filed emotions need to be dealt with. The longer we leave them, the more thought processes and actions will be impacted affecting our character.  That’s how I became a very angry young person.

No wonder I ended up with depression. Recently (after 20 years) I uncovered exactly why I left my ex-husband.  When visions of the past rose to the surface playing as if on the TV, they seemed so remote to me I had to re-analyse them before I could recognise the past and own it.

Our hurts will resurface giving  us the opportunity to file them under, ‘forgiven’ not under ‘forgotten’ because that’s been proven not to work.  I’m living proof! We can’t completely forget trauma and past hurts.

The key to my healing was forgiveness.   It’s not within our nature to forgive such things. It’s a supernatural thing.  God gives us the ability to make that choice.  Our hearts catch up with our choices.

The bible says, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”

Will you ask God to give you a forgiving heart?   Choose today to forgive and release yourself!

Today I make the choice to forgive………………………… but I don’t know how. Jesus come into my heart and give me the ability to forgive…………………………… for…………………….    Forgive me for my sins as well I ask in Jesus name.  Amen.

Once you’ve done this, it’s filed behind you under, “forgiven”.  Thoughts may resurface but when feelings of anger rise up again remind yourself that you’ve chosen to forgive, thank God for his forgiveness .

If you struggle with thoughts resurfacing, unwanted thoughts and pain too unbearable to face seek the help of a counsellor or talk to your church leaders.  I’m glad I did!

 

Real Spiritual Food For The Undernourished Soul

Spiritual food was important to Jesus. He believed that God sustained his life.

We  humans, as explained in the bible, are a three fold being possessing a mind (soul), body and spirit. A Tripartite being needs look after the health of all three elements to be at their peak state of existence.  While the mind and body are commonly known to be interconnected,  everything we do, eat and drink affects the mind along with our attitudes.  The spiritual food we digest affects our whole being.

Throughout history people have felt the need to connect to a higher level of existence through spirituality in one way or another.  This desire is the common denominator between a lot of religions, cults and creeds that have sprung up all over the world in an attempt to explain and justify their existence.   In India alone there are over 1000 religions.

What was different about Jesus?

  1. Jesus took demons seriously.  He cast out demons with authority and they obeyed him.
  2. He raised several people from the dead.

Jesus pretty much taught that His spiritual needs were superior to his need to eat food .

Meanwhile his disciples urged him, “Rabbi, eat something.” But he said to them, “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”Then his disciples said to each other, “Could someone have brought him food?” “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.” (John 4:31-34)

DIGNITY

Jesus wasn’t treated with dignity when he was tried, tortured and hung on a cross to die. Instead he was treated as a blasphemer (telling lies against their knowledge of God) with contempt.

The word ‘dignity’has such a profound meaning.

The Online Oxford Dictionary defines Dignity as ‘The state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.’

Lets take a look at a thesaurus.

Synonyms – Decency, Decorum, Grace,Honour, Greatness, Morality, Self-respect, Stature, Virtue, Value, Significance,Worth & Worthiness, Prestige, Glory, Distinction, Perfection, Importance, Decency & Splendor.

Antonyms – Dishonour, Immorality, Insignificance, Bad manners, Lowliness, Evil, Indecency, Unimportance, Worthlessness, Unethical, Indifference and Powerless

God is love and the dignity we have as humans (see synonyms) comes from God.

pexels-photo-192556

Join a bible study at a local church to dig into God’s hidden treasures and learn to digest real spiritual food.

 

JUST AS DIRTY AS I AM

God welcomes everyone. As we learn from him and about him, we can’t help but fall in love.

It was 1996, I’d recently gone through a divorce with a violent, drug addicted and schizophrenic man who had me living in fear for almost 17 years. Wanting to get closer to God in the cold Canberra winter of 1998, my sister took me to her little Pentecostal church held at a local school hall, as they didn’t yet have their own building. Looking around at people with seemingly perfect lives noticing they were nicely groomed wearing dressy but casual clothing, their kids were happy and all I saw was one big happy family. Panicked within (anxiety), in my mind there was no way I’d ever fit into this scene.  Within me there was a storm.  At the time I was angry, sad, unhappy, lonely and just sick of life.

Feeling uneasy about being there I confided about those feelings to my my younger sister who is a strong Christian.   She said to me, “Sandra, don’t think that these people here have got it all made, they’re just as dirty and dysfunctional as you are.  The only difference is that they admit it and want to change.  They acknowledge that God is the source of all life and that it’s God who cleanses them. You don’t get into a bath unless you’re dirty!”

Then she said something else, “God accepts you as you are so let him in and he does the changing from within.”   I thought, “what? Wait a minute he accepts me then he changes me?  Isn’t that a contradiction?”   Reading my bible, I couldn’t help but fall in love with Jesus and his words.

I read somewhere that Jesus died for us while we were still sinners. It’s not the sin God loves, its us. He wants our hearts and Jesus also came so that we may be reconciled to God, have life and have it abundantly.  So the change in me was that I was going to befriend God and learn the true meaning of life and love it?  That was exactly what happened. The changes were gradual but sure.

It’s June 2017, I’m still in the bath, I’m not perfect and I’m slowly transforming into what God wants for me and I have inner peace in my life.  We hurt and deal with our hurts in our own dysfunctional way that can make us really bitter, or we can be free from fears and hurts while keeping our peace.  Its Jesus who wants to heal our hearts with his perfect love that casts out all fear.  

If you’re worried about sin, God forgives us, no matter what we have done.  What the bible calls sin, is sin, everyone in the world falls short because God is holy.  Nobody is perfect and we can’t point the finger in judgement of anyone else.  “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son for who-so-ever believes in him shall have eternal life” John 3:16  OK it states who-so-ever.  It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done? That’s powerful.

If you believe that then pray this short prayer asking Jesus into your heart.

Jesus, I know you died for me and take me as I am.  I’m not perfect and will never be that in this world.  Thank you that you took my sins upon your body and they were crucified with you on the cross. I ask your forgiveness and for you to come into my heart and grant me your peace. Let me grow in your wisdom and in truth. Fill me with the Holy Spirit that I may have your helper so I can follow you. Amen

What can you do now?

If you prayed that prayer, find a local Christian church, be baptised, read your bible and pray regularly. Walk close to God and remember that nothing can separate you from His love. If you have done all that and are filled with Holy Spirit you have been born again as the bible requires you to do so you can enter heaven. Live in relationship with Jesus offering constant prayers for those you love and for your enemies.

Christian bloggers are invited to share your posts on my Facebook group at Christian Blog Space

Resurrection of Jesus Christ & Birth of Christianity

Jesus life, death and resurrection birthed the Christian faith. Here’s how and why!

Jesus of Nazareth preached in Israel about God, eternal life and establishing the Kingdom of God on earth during the time of Augustus.  Jesus walked with his disciples for three years as a teacher, a mentor and a friend instructing them on spiritual life.

He claimed and believed to be the ‘Son of God’ regarded as such by his disciples who witnessed many of his miracles, some of which were; restoring sight to a blind man, healing the lame and raising Lazarus from the dead.

His key teachings were about;  God, salvation, redemption, love, compassion, faith, eternal life, baptism, temptation, forgiveness, holiness, repentance, sincerity and the kingdom of God.

Christianity was birthed in a very hostile environment where Jesus was seen as an antagonistic leader of a cult threatening the very existence of the Jewish priesthood.  His disciples viewed Jesus as being divine as well as human which made the Jews even more hostile against him.

Jesus said things like, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Jesus was tried and crucified by the Romans for blasphemy.  His body was prepared for burial and placed in a rich man’s tomb.   A Roman seal was placed on the tomb giving nobody a chance of stealing the body against the might of the roman army.

Jesus’ Death Was Foretold

Psalm 22:16-18: “Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet. I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.”

Jesus Rose from the Dead

Three days later the stone covering the grave with the Roman seal was found rolled away.

stone grave

The women go back to the find the stone rolled away & Angels announce the Resurrection – Luke 24

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb.  They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.  While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them.

In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee:  “The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.

The resurrected Jesus appears to his Mary Magdalene – John 20:11-18

risen jesus

Jesus appeared to Mary, however she didn’t recognise him.  She was crying over Jesus death.

Jesus spoke to her saying, “Woman, why are you crying? Who are you looking for?” Mary thought He must be the gardener and said, “Sir, if you have taken Him away, tell me where, and I will take Him!” Jesus said, “Mary!” Then she recognised Him and exclaimed, “Master!”

Jesus Appears to the Apostles – John 20:19-23That same Sunday evening most of the apostles were together and Jesus appeared among them.

He Appeared to Thomas who is known to this day as ‘Doubting Thomas’-  John 20: 24-31,

Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

A week later his disciples were in the house again and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

doubting

Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

The Ascension of Jesus – Acts 1:6-11  

Others witnessed Jesus being taken up to heaven in physical form.

As Promised, the Holy Spirit Comes – Acts 2

day of pentacost

The day of Pentecost when the Holy spirit falls on all men who start speaking in tongues.

The Great Commission – Matthew 28:16-20

Then the eleven disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go.  When they saw him, they worshiped him—but some of them doubted!

Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Christians believe that we too will rise with him.   We are made in Gods likeness  – A three fold being of mind, body and spirit! To get to heaven, we have to be born again of the Spirit and follow the teachings of Jesus Christ.

“Jesus answered and said to him, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God'” – John 3:3.

“That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved” – Romans 10:9.

Get connected with a Christian Church, join a bible study group and grow in the faith.   He died for all mankind – so come as you are!

By Sandra Ciminelli