What Women With PMDD Want From Their Men

How to spoil a woman with PMDD? What does she really want?

In a recent poll women with PMDD, were asked to choose what they prefer to receive from their men in a demonstration of love & affection.  Women were able to select more than one item, and were also given the chance to add their own poll items to the list in an attempt to make the poll more genuine.

The question asked in the poll survey was: “Your man wants to spoil you and asks if you like Chocolate or Flowers? What do you choose?”

The first three items added by me (with how they scored) were:

  1. Chocolates – 22
  2. Flowers – 13
  3. All The Above – 7

After the women added:

  1. Whatever comes from the Heart – 5
  2. Massage – 4
  3. Help with housework – 2
  4. Sex – 2
  5. A hand written love letter – 3
  6. A cooked meal – 2
  7. All of the above – 2

More added later:

  1. Champaign – 2
  2. Diamonds – 1

Chocolate is the winner!

Flowers or both flowers & chocolates were selected next, and whatever comes from the heart came in at no. 4 for this group of women.

PMDD or not women just love chocolate.  While it may not be to good for the waistline, it sure makes us feel great!  PMDD women are no exception to that rule.

Why Chocolate?  If anything at all could make us happy during the luteal phase, (WORST PMDD TIME OF THE MONTH) chocolate would be it, as it is known for releasing endorphines and happy hormones.

A great scientific study would be on ‘the impact of chocolate on the PMDD brainif it hasn’t already been done.

The trick guys, is to get to know your woman, understand her and support her because PMDD is no picnic – She’s sick and needs your support as well as your love and affection.  Don’t take her moodswings, nastiness, innability to cope, depresson, rage and all that horrible hormonal stuff she’s putting you through personally, because she’d stop doing it if she could.  So if you’re experiencing that the worst thing you can do is hate her for it and abandon her.

What support means to a woman with PMDD:

  1. Understanding her condition. Read as much as you can about PMDD so that you can empathise. After all you have to live with it too!
  2. Going with her to appointments in order to find something that works so you can both get your quality of life back. She may not be able to fully understand what she needs to do because the condition affects thinking processes.
  3. Take the kids out while mum sleeps.
  4. Don’t press her to go to social engagements because that’s the last thing she needs. She’s in no condition to do it mentally or physically during certain times of the month.
  5. Help her around the house and provide light healthy meals.
  6. Keep tabs on her condition. She might not be able to.
  7. Be her emotional support.
  8. Understand that this illness may be out of her ability to control. You may need to take her to hospital if she becomes suicidal or call your emergency lines.  Australians call 000.
  9. Take good care of yourself.  Get a good amount of sleep, eat well and get regular exercise.

 

chocolate

Cheers!

Sandra

NOTE: For PMDD Support – Join a Closed Facebook Group for Privacy.
There are also groups for those men who live with PMDD.

 

WHY CHURCH LEADERS NEED MENTAL HEALTH TRAINING

With mental health training church leaders can help their communities more than they know.

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Most of us have friends who we can trust when the burden of our troubles become too heavy a load to carry. Christians often reach out to members of their pastoral care team or to close friends, while others choose to keep their problems to themselves.

Talking to someone is a great way to vent allowing for the release of some of that pressure. Friends can be really good listeners and advice givers, but depending on our circumstances and state of mental health at the time, they may not be able to give the right advice or point us in the right direction.

The church is uniquely positioned to help the community in difficult times as most believers will run to their church leaders for help.  Mental health training will help support the congregation with issues like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder just to name a few.

THE WHOLE BEING

The bible is clear that humans are a three fold being consisting of a mind, body and spirit.   When one of those is out of peace, the other two are affected.  Keeping all three healthy is to find balance and wholeness.

“I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (1 Thessalonians 5:23).

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow (body), and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12).

Two Types of Crisis

Grief – Unfortunately the majority of us will suffer loss at one point in our lives and loss can lead to grief.

Some types of loss are:  Substantial financial loss, death of a close relative or friend, loss of a job, divorce, separation and loss of a family home or death of a beloved pet.

Mental Health – People with a mental illness like depression or anxiety can have overwhelming emotions and feelings that often alter their thought processes leading them to overreact to normal everyday situations.  Having lived all my life with the fortnightly roller-coaster of Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, it was a common occurrence to cry about problems during ovulation. After having my daughter in 2004, I became peri-menopausal and that’s when my symptoms, that included rage, became extreme.

Those who have a mental illness often find normal activities become overwhelming.  For some this might mean the inability to function as they normally would, they can lose their jobs often leading to a loss of quality of life and isolation.

Those Who Have Helped & Supported Me

Counsellor, Gynaecologist & Doctor – good listeners & resourceful – The best help so far for PMDD.  My GP sent me to a gynaecologist who recognised my symptoms.  He put me on a birth control pill (Norimin) suggesting I cut out the sugar tablets so to stop my menses completely, thus stopping what happens to my brain during that time when receptors shut down causing a depletion of my happy hormones.  I was also put on anti-depressants (Pristiq).   This helped me to function normally only to experience mild symptoms of PMDD now and again. The counsellor helped me to organise myself mentally in order to help me with my circumstances.  Finally I was beginning to function normally.

Family & Close Friends – Advice differed according to personalities, religious views, professions and some of those with mental health training (My two sisters) listened and then pointed me in the right direction.  Untrained friends lacked the ability to help me with my mental health problems which to them was foreign.

Pastoral care – Able to help me with personal and spiritual problems but when my mental illness was kicking in with intense bouts of depression that left me crying for hours nonstop, my thoughts were dark and gloomy and it seemed like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.  My pastoral care team were untrained to recognise symptoms of mental health problems; they didn’t know what to do apart from praying for me, which was great for me as I was hoping for a miracle.  But, miracles don’t always come when you want them to and it’s not through a lack of your personal faith.  God’s timing for your life is perfect. When a person is physically sick they go to see a doctor.  A person who has mental health problems needs counselling support.

That’s why I believe in mental health training for all church leaders.   Knowing the difference can make all the difference to a person in need.  Christians who have mental health disorders need to know that they are supported within the church, be pointed to mental health support services and resources when needed and they also need to know that they’re no less a Christian for being mentally unwell.

The body is all interconnected.  If our bodies can get sick, then the mind is no exception. Caring for the three fold being, mind, body and spirit leads to wholeness.

Sandra Ciminelli
PEN WITH A VIEW

Where to get help in Australia

Talk to your doctor who can point you in the right direction if you feel that you have a mental health issue.  You might be able to qualify for a mental health plan.

Lifeline A free 24 hour crisis counselling service – 13 11 14

Mens Line – A free 24 hour counselling service for men –  1300 78 99 78

Kids Help Line – Email Counselling and Web-chat available – 1800 55 1800

A Loving Relationship between a Man & Woman

As a mother the most difficult part of my job is watching my child suffer so she can learn her lesson. While I’m the one dishing out the discipline, (taking away privileges) I know the experience is making her wiser. She’s soon to become a teenager and currently shows a little interest in boys. But that’s all soon to change.

She’ll eventually grow up to make her own decisions and make her own mistakes, so I teach her the value of taking responsibility for her own actions. This teaching will come in handy when it comes to relationships. The person she settles with will come from a different family, have a different upbringing and have a different set of values, so she needs to be observant and remain alert when choosing.

I pray for her future husband and teach her to do the same. We’ve led by example and the legacy we leave behind with a loving relationship will hopefully have a positive impact. I’m hoping she’ll grow up to be the kind of woman that makes mindful decisions for her life and future.

I’m no relationship expert but I’m hoping my daughter will take hold of what has taken me a lifetime to learn.

  1. Treat each other with respect. Do not talk about your partner/spouse behind their back. Your loyalty is to each other. Don’t ignore the friendship.
  2. Your spouse/partner shouldn’t be totally dependent on you.  They need to have their own goals in life, a job, their own interests and enjoy living a healthy lifestyle.
  3. Nobody has the right to lay a finger on you.  Nor do you have the right to be violent with someone else.  There is no reason on earth why violence should be accepted in the home.  A lack of self esteem can trap women in violent controlling relationships. You are awesome. Get out as fast as you can and don’t go back. You might want to consider pressing charges should this happen to you. It might save another woman’s life.
  4. Feel secure in your relationship and know that you are loved.  You’re fine the way you are and the right person will accept you just as you are.
  5. You’re worthy of love and happiness. Love isn’t just about giving. It has to be reciprocated.
  6. Being together is fun.  Spending quality time together is even better and a must. Make time for each other, listen always and love with all your heart.
  7. Your opinion is to be respected.  You’re consulted on major decisions and what you have to say is valued.
  8. The foundation of your relationship is based on mutual love for one another not lust.
  9. Don’t ignore the sexual intimacy. Keep that healthy but sex must not be the foundation of your relationship.
  10. Any man who demands more than you’re willing to give to gratify his own sexual desire is not loving you more than his own need. Leave this guy fast! He’s using you like a sex toy. Don’t waste your time. Time is precious and you can’t get it back.
  11. Looking at members of the opposite sex appreciatively of their beauty is normal, but flirting is not acceptable.  This in my books is the same as window shopping.
  12. Choose the father of your children very carefully.  Marriage is a lifelong commitment. Work together to keep the relationship sweet. Get counselling if you need help as a couple. Pray for him. Trust your instinct.  It’s your call if you need to bail.

Growing up in Sydney’s West in the 70’s

bikes

Photo: Here I am on my sisters red bike and she’s on my blue Malvern Star in the middle with our cousins on their bikes at Stanwell Park NSW.

My parents decided that we needed a change from the constantly flooding townhouse they rented in Granville.  Every time it rained our bottom floor became inundated in a torrent of water.  We were all relieved and excited about the move.  Although looking back, it was a bit of fun swimming in that dirty water that ran from our flooded small courtyard out the back, through the house gushing out the front door and spilling us kids out onto the footpath.

So in 1973 we packed all our gear and moved to Fairfield in Sydney’s West.  I was 9, my sister Vivian was 8 and Patricia was almost 3 years old.

There were about 10 units in our apartment block with people from all different nationalities and walks of life residing in them.  Many families lived there, so there was never a shortage of people to hang out with.  The twin set of units across the concrete driveway with their garages and overhanging balconies faced each other allowing us to communicate & socialise with the neighbours without leaving our unit.

Life was a social affair most days in Smart Street as the flats we lived in weren’t the only ones on our block.  Italians, Assyrians, Maltese, South Americans (like us); Greeks, Iraqis and Yugoslavians (as they were known at the time) populated the area amongst a handful of Aussies.

The only Aussie that I actually remember well on that block in Smart Street, Fairfield was Mrs. Stone who everyone knew as the delightful and friendly old lady who lived in an old shack up the road with her Shih Tzu.  She took daily walks with her little dog allowing everyone to pat him. Her sweetness brings a smile to my face to this very day.

Every morning on the way to school we’d pass the local shop that was metres from the crossing to the public school we attended.  Wonderful and friendly people have come and gone throughout our lives there.  Mr. Zoric was one of them.  He was our local shop owner whose little tuck shop was across the road from the school on my side of the road.  He sold, milk, bread, coke, some grocery items, ice cream, chocolate and lollies.  While he was very popular with everyone in the neighbourhood, the kids just loved him. He was known mainly for his kindness and his huge bright and cheerful personality.  Back then we hardly got any pocket money and I remember the excitement of taking the empty glass bottles of coke for a refund of 10 cents to spend on lollies.  That was a lot of money back then!

Playing outdoors was a way of life for us kids. After school the children were everywhere riding their bikes, playing handball, hide and seek, playing elastics, doing handstands, cartwheels and skipping.   When we didn’t know what to do we improvised and enjoyed life.  We didn’t have the technology that kids have now.  We learned how to be imaginative and creative making things with our hands or making up games.

Our New Bikes

For Christmas that year we all got bikes.  Vivian’s was a new orange bike.  Mine was a dark blue Malvern Star Dragster with gears, long seat and a sissy bar. I had been asking my father for that bike for ages and was over the moon with it.  It was the latest rage with the kids, it was beautiful and I couldn’t believe it was mine!

One morning my father discovered that our garage was broken into. The bikes were missing and I remember that I was heartbroken.  That bike was the only thing I ever really wanted.   Dad assured us that everything will be alright and that his insurance will replace our bikes.  But one day before our bikes could be replaced, I was visiting a friend in a neighbouring apartment building when I saw two boys downstairs sanding down bike frames that had been sprayed black.  Immediately I knew that our bikes had been stolen by these two Assyrian boys who didn’t have bikes of their own and I was angry and felt sorry for them at the same time, knowing that mum was poor and had 4 kids to look after.  Telling my father about it brought out my emotions.  He assured me that even without the bikes that we adored, we are still better off than those two boys because we have each other.  He made me see that material things are replaceable but people aren’t.  I had to let it go and decided to forgive them, though it took a while.

We never did get the same bikes back.  Although I was grateful to have a bike to ride, the replacement bike was a bit too sissy for this tom boy.  It was white with reddish-pink love hearts stickers.

Years later when I became a Christian I realised that my earthly dad was reflecting my heavenly father by choosing mercy over bitterness and revenge.  In Matthew 9:13 God says, “I desire mercy not sacrifice.”

I love you dad!  You always taught us to be content with life itself and that the most important thing in life is to love the people we share it with.  Because of it we have a very close and tightly knit family unit that loves each other dearly.